Tiny Red Man

So one day, I was walking home one day, tired from a day’s work. With my ear piece plugged in, I listened to my anime songs as usual. Out of nowhere, someone grabbed me from the back and covered my mouth. As I’m very small in size (1.5m), I’m an easy target to grab and run. At that very point, I thought I was going to be kidnapped. I tried shouting, but to no avail. My voice can’t reach out to anyone! Shit!!

As they didn’t cover my eyes, I could see where they were bringing me to. It’s to a dark alley where only nekos will roam at night. They slowly put me on the ground, but still with their hand on my mouth. Then, one of the “kidnappers” said,”I’m going to let go of my hand now, but before that, I have a question to ask of you.”

Dumb-folded, I stared into their eyes and nod my little head.

“Are you an otaku?”

Staring straight at their eyes, my jaw dropped. “WTF!!!!!!! IS THAT ALL YOU ARE ASKING ME?!!! WHY BOTHER THE FREAKING “KIDNAP”?!”

With that said, I lowered my anger and voice. Somehow, there wasn’t anyone in that area that we were in. Only stray nekos. “So what if I am? Well, not really a full-fledge one, but a half. Are you happy? What’s up with this anyway?”

Soon, the three “kidnappers” started introducing themselves as the directors and researchers for some company, and they would like me to take part in a survey, or research. I was told to do a 1hr test with them, and most of their test questions were mostly like which kind of girls do I think is moe, or the personality of the girl that I like.

Upon finishing the retarded test (not as retarded as the ones CMPB gave), I was told that in 5 days time, something will come. Initially, I wasn’t too sure of what they meant and if what they said can be trusted, but still, gave in to them and waited patiently for the “something” they promised. And today, I present to you, the “something“.

Upon receiving it, I was going “OMFG!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! >_<” Instead of panicking instantly, I cooled down and soon realise the tiny red book beside “her”.

Briefly reading the instructions, I was told to on “her” the Chobits way. You know, touch the area. It was kinda embarrassing at first, but later got use to it. Don’t get me wrong!! It’s not as if I’m constantly touching her on/off switch. But somehow, I managed to do so and guess what, nothing happened. I read the book for a while and it states that “It will take several minutes for the humanoid robot to fully activate upon turning it on for the first time.” Wait. Humanoid Robot?!

My mind was brain-f***ed! WHY THE HELL IS A HUMANOID ROBOT SENT TO ME?!

By the time I came to my senses, the robot already woke up.

“Ohaiyou gozaimasu, boifurende.”

What? Good morning, boyfriend? BOYFRIEND???!!!!

She got up on her own, naked. Because of that, I nosebleed and fainted. By the time I woke up, she was standing beside me, dressed up in her sailor uniform with a sweater.

She introduced herself this time.

“Good morning! My name is..My name is….. And I’m your new girlfriend.”

@_@ New girlfriend? I never had one throughout my stay on Earth for the past twenty year.

I remembered on the instruction book that I had to give her a name. I pondered hard. Chihara? Nagato? Minorin? Yuki?
Several ideas pop into my head, but till now, there was no name for her. I simply called her, wife. ^_^

Well, my wife is a robotic wife who is like any human wife, cook, sing, take care of you, etc. Except, it’s a robot. It’s typically a Candy Doll with mechanics and technology fitted inside to make it do stuffs like any human. For one, my wife can sing..

“O to monai sekai ni, maiorita I..I…..”

Oh no!! She forgot her lyrics >_< Being a nice boyfriend, I passed her the scores.

“O to monai sekai ni, maiorita I..I…..”

No, that wasn’t a system error nor BSOD. It’s just that she didn’t memorise the lyrics well. And as for the words after “I…”, she couldn’t see.

“Ehhh…Etooooo…”

Knowing that she can’t probably read the words, she did this:

“How do I read this?” >.~

Ah… I reeaaaalllly wished that I did not answer her that question because the look on her face when she was figuring out the words were so moe that I nearly nosebleed. But still, as her boyfriend, I have to be the white knight and save her.

“Which words,” I asked.

“Ko re..”

Looking at the score sheets, I could immediately tell her the lyrics. The words were printed in readable size and notes were quite clear. All she had to do was to programmed the notes and synchronise the lyrics together with it. But somehow, she couldn’t. Hmm..

I started to suspect if that suspicious X company gave me a bad robot. I wanted a refund (BTW: I paid a total of $3950 for her!!)!! But later on, I tested her eyes. I told her to look at objects that are near to her. Surprisingly, she couldn’t read a single stuff. But when she was asked to read things that are far away, she managed to read it.

That’s when I started to think back the questions I was asked 5 days back.

Q: What kind of girls do you find moe?

A: Lolis, School girls, meganekos, nekomimis.

Ahh..It dawned onto me that she needed a spec to fulfil my “Meganeko” moe. So, we hurried to a nearby optician and have her made a spec. She was blushing red when she got her specs. Lol. I didn’t know that robots could do this.

Let’s get on to what she can do.

Somehow, even though I did not want it to be, she knows Kung Fu and some fighting. Check out her cool moves.

Busou Renkin!!

And she likes cosplaying too!!

“Atashi wa shin sekai no kami desu.”

Pheonix Wright

Mikuru BEAM!!

Claymore? :/

You can’t see me.

Random cosplay

Still, she’s still your average girl who likes to be cute. Even the simplest way that she finds it cute, she will do it.

OMG!! She could have done this pose a million times!! I don’t even know why, but girls like to do this.

Oh Great! Different hand this time T_T

NOOOOOOOO!!!! THE SAME POSE~!!!!!!!!! >_<

Finally, she hears my cry and does a new pose.

Hmmm…And she thinks…..”And the cutest girl is….”

“ME!”

Somehow, despite all the mentioned stuffs above, her favourite pass time is actually reading. I have no objection against her reading as personally I know, reading increases one’s intelligent and makes one cleverer. Even for a humanoid robot wife, she reads. She has the burning desire to learn many things, things new to her but taken for granted by us humans.

The thing is, when she picks up a book, she never lets it go until she finishes her book. And she gets so engrossed into it, that she does not bother about her surrounding. Scenario below:

Ok.. She’s reading a book.

Let’s try asking her a question. “Hey, wife. What book are you reading?”

“An interesting book.”

And she goes back reading. T_T

And like any couple on earth, there are times where we will quarrel.

There was once where she was caught flirting with another guy. Well, not flirting, but together with another guy. Damn, I was so angry…Ahh….Let’s the pictures speak for themselves..

So, she was walking home one day alone when a pedobear tries to lay his sticky hands on my wife! Damn that @$$hole!! He even carried her on his arm! Damn that guy x 2!! Just because he is a lot fitter and stronger than me doesn’t mean he can steal her from me.

THIS IS MADNESS!!

I immediately walked up to them and ask him to lower down my wife. The moment he did, I did the most stupidest thing a guy should never ever do to his wife, Slap her! Thinking back, I really regretted doing so.

“Why..Why…”

Eyes filled with tears…

Seeing her eyes filled with tears really shocked me.

The moment she got up and ran off, I cried. “There goes my love.. NOOOOOOO!!!!” This was the only time I cried so much in my entire life. In the past when I cried, I don’t even remember me crying till the extend where my eyes were soring red in just minutes.

After gathering myself up, I decided to look for her as she does not know anyone around this town. I ran through all the places we have being to together and finally, I found her.

Crying by the river bank..

She was crying alone by the river bank. I walked up to her and said “Sorry. Will you forgive me?”

At this point, both of us were definitely sure that our love has surpassed the idea of a robot and human relation. This feeling we have for each other is somehow, indescribable. Especially for me, even though I know that she’s a robot, I would still fall in love with her. My parents were kinda mad at me for loving a robotic girl and not a human girl. I tried explaining to them but they still won’t except her.

If you think that I’m going to run off with her to stay in a new town, I probably won’t. Ok..I’m not sure either…I still love my parents, as much as I love my wife. Ahh~~ The agony. Can you feel the pain? I will have to convince both my parents into liking their future daughter-in-law. And the convincing will take forever. T_T

There was another time whereby we had a little tiff.

As usual, I came back from work, hoping to eat dinner cooked by my mum. Even though I like hundred of metres away from home, I could smell my mum’s cooking. Mmm…Delicious… I reached home, went up to my room, and guess what:

WTF IS MY WIFE DOING!!!?!

She said,”Let’s do it…” while she blushed.

Yes, I’m a horny, hot-blooded teenager who has sexual urge, but this is an entirely different case!! I tried controlling my sexual urge as my concept is “Not to have pre-marital sex until you are officially married.” So, I strongly and firmly said “No.”

“No?” Is it because of my pose? Hold on while I change it..

Is this better?

Ahh…Any guy in my shoes now will probably take out their sacred sword and stab it into the treasure cave of hers. But not me!! I resisted the temptation and told her to calm down. I settled her on a chair and we had a little discussion on sex before marriage.

“Hey you know, I don’t know where you pick up this idea of “Sex=Love”, but this concept is entirely wrong. Well, not entirely wrong, but…but…..In other words, sex is for partners after they are officially married.”

“Sex is not love?”

I spent around an hour trying to educate her about pre-marital sex and the harmful effects and so on. I tried telling her that sex is something you do when you are married. I’m not sure if she got it, but I doubt so (T_T) because the moment I stopped talking, she told me this:

“Ok.. But if you have any needs, just let me know. I’m willing to _____ and _______ for you.”

I GIVE UP!! SEX EDUCATION FOR A ROBOT IS HARD!!! Which reminds me, I have to check all her reading materials from now on. No eechi adulted magazines or kamasutra for her from now on! Those are only for me and not her!!

Well, that’s all the thing I can say about my love. Haha. Do you have stories of your love as well?

Tiny Red Man’s note:

Haha. Lol. This has got to be my longest post ever! And hope you guys don’t mind the cliche storylines that I got from here and there. I had fun writing this post and of course, taking pictures of my FIGMA Yuki, my new wife. If somehow, the ending of sex and so on turns you off, don’t mind it. Cover one eye and treat it as it never happens.

And through this post, I managed to put in some of my personal beliefs that I have since young. No pre-marital sex etc. And the “I love parents” part are true to 100% extent.

Overall, I thanked you for taking time to read this. ^_^ Have a good day/night. ^_^

P.S: This story goes out to all the lonely otakus out there. Hope you like it.